Talk about Feelings

Last night the girls crossed a busy intersection without even looking and they almost got ran over twice. I watched the whole thing and nearly had a heart attack. It scared me to death, which translated into being very upset. I immediately asked them what they were doing in a not nice way, and told them they knew better. Sara shut down and wouldn't answer and Lena got mad and started to mouth off. I told her if she was going to talk to me like that then just go away. I meant go calm down. She stormed off, burst into tears and proceeded to sob uncontrollably.

Later, I told her I was sorry for getting mad and she told me she was sorry too. That is normally how we would have left it, but after my Brain Gym class and a conversation with my friend Carlin, a mother of three adopted Ukrainians, I decided we had better talk about our feelings and what happened in more detail.

I asked Lena how it made her feel. I am such a nerd and actually felt embarrassed when I asked her. I am sure she noticed. She said that it made her feel bad because when I told her to go away she thought I meant I didn't want her any more and that she needed to go find another family.

I paused and panicked, what in the world was I supposed to say to that. I couldn't believe it. I started by explaining that I was scared she was going to die and so I overreacted. I told her I didn't want her to die or go away. She got big tears in her eyes. I then asked her why she thinks I would send her away. She said that if she is bad I will send her to another family. I asked her what made her think that. She said in the Ukraine kids left to go with families but if they were bad they would come back to the orphanage.

I told her that I was different. I told her I believed in God and that he told me she should be in our family. I told her when we were sealed in the temple Heavenly Father gave her to me forever. I told her I promised Heavenly Father on that day that I would be her mom forever and that I would never give her away. I told her I would never stop being her mother no matter what she did. Her eyes filled with tears again and she said, "Thanks mom." I held out my arms and she buried her head in my shoulder and let me hold her for a long time.

Later, as I was washing dishes I was thinking how inadequate and unqualified I felt to be their mother. I asked heaven, "How am I going to do this?" An over powering thought came to me, "They are mine, I love them and you are the person I have prepared to be their mother. I will help you be the mother they need."

I was filled with peace and knew despite all of my weaknesses it was going to be o.k.