Talk about Feelings

Last night the girls crossed a busy intersection without even looking and they almost got ran over twice. I watched the whole thing and nearly had a heart attack. It scared me to death, which translated into being very upset. I immediately asked them what they were doing in a not nice way, and told them they knew better. Sara shut down and wouldn't answer and Lena got mad and started to mouth off. I told her if she was going to talk to me like that then just go away. I meant go calm down. She stormed off, burst into tears and proceeded to sob uncontrollably.

Later, I told her I was sorry for getting mad and she told me she was sorry too. That is normally how we would have left it, but after my Brain Gym class and a conversation with my friend Carlin, a mother of three adopted Ukrainians, I decided we had better talk about our feelings and what happened in more detail.

I asked Lena how it made her feel. I am such a nerd and actually felt embarrassed when I asked her. I am sure she noticed. She said that it made her feel bad because when I told her to go away she thought I meant I didn't want her any more and that she needed to go find another family.

I paused and panicked, what in the world was I supposed to say to that. I couldn't believe it. I started by explaining that I was scared she was going to die and so I overreacted. I told her I didn't want her to die or go away. She got big tears in her eyes. I then asked her why she thinks I would send her away. She said that if she is bad I will send her to another family. I asked her what made her think that. She said in the Ukraine kids left to go with families but if they were bad they would come back to the orphanage.

I told her that I was different. I told her I believed in God and that he told me she should be in our family. I told her when we were sealed in the temple Heavenly Father gave her to me forever. I told her I promised Heavenly Father on that day that I would be her mom forever and that I would never give her away. I told her I would never stop being her mother no matter what she did. Her eyes filled with tears again and she said, "Thanks mom." I held out my arms and she buried her head in my shoulder and let me hold her for a long time.

Later, as I was washing dishes I was thinking how inadequate and unqualified I felt to be their mother. I asked heaven, "How am I going to do this?" An over powering thought came to me, "They are mine, I love them and you are the person I have prepared to be their mother. I will help you be the mother they need."

I was filled with peace and knew despite all of my weaknesses it was going to be o.k.

Easter & April Fool's

On April Fool's Day I woke the girls up at 5:00 a.m. and we went around the neighborhood playing pranks on our friends. We have a long standing competition going on in the neighborhood. Unfortunately, we lost this year because one of our friends out did us by inviting everyone to a party at our house that we weren't having. The girl's ran around the neighborhood trying to retrieve the door hangers inviting everyone to our party.

I won't tell you about the prank I played on the girls because it had to do with feminine hygiene products. They laughed and laughed. They told me they think April Fool's is the best holiday in America.

Lena and the Boys making potato salad for a Easter Party.

Lena is a great cook and she has inspired the boys to

want to cook as well.

Parker got stuck cutting the onions. He said the goggles made

it so the onions wouldn't hurt his eyes. He always makes

me laugh.

In our attempt to teach the kids what Easter week is really

about, we had our own Last Supper. We all hated

the lamb, but we had lots of fun.

I brought some egg decorating stuff back from

the Ukraine with me last year. I pulled them out

when we decorated our eggs and

the girls loved them.



Whenever, the kids fight I make them share their

upset feelings with each other. It is the best part

of being a mother to these 4 kids so close in age.

When the boys have to tell the girls why their feelings

are hurt, it always makes me chuckle. They are so cute.

Despite the ups and downs we are slowly becoming a family.

The kids are friends and maybe someday they will feel like

siblings.

Lena... Lena.. This week after getting really mad

at me, she wrote me a sorry song and sang it

to me with her karaoke machine. I went from being completely upset

to laughing. Motherhood I have discovered is an emotional roller coaster.

Chandler is my buddy. We have shared love for sports

and always choose to be on the same team in any family

sporting event. Jeff tries to persuade him to be on his team

but Chandler always chooses me. It is hilarious. I tell

Jeff it is because we usually win. I am so grateful for Jeff's boy's in our family.

Sara, sweet Sara. She is quick to give me a hug

when she thinks I am sad and takes such good

care of me. She makes me want to be a better

mother.

For Anna

Anna,

Sveta wanted you to see these pictures. We changed her name to Sara when we adopted her.

This is Sara with her Grandma.

Sara with my best friends Mary and Dona

Sara riding a small car at a race track.

Sara's pet Chinchilla she calls him "Chili"

Sara with her best friend Elise. When Sara

is around Elise will not go to anyone else.

Sara learning to cross country ski.

Sara with her other Grandma

Sara on her birthday with her fairy cake.

Cake Decorating

On Lena's birthday in September my mom, an expert cake decorator, showed the girls the basics of the art.

The learning curve started- from smoke alarms, and cake covered ovens to soggy insides and drooping pieces of art, the girls, "who know everything," have finally started to get the hang of it. Here are just a few of their finished products. They wouldn't allow photos of the early ones. For my birthday I got a blue and yellow Ukranian cake, they were too embarrassed to allow a picture, maybe because I laughed when I saw it. Oops. It just slipped out.


Cupcake cake for Sara's Birthday

Fairy Cake

Basketball cake they made for their brother Parker's birthday.

Private Property

Is Jeff talking to himself in the bathroom I wonder.
I listen closer. I hear, "Oh no, no, not again they didn't."
I start laughing to myself. I know exactly what is going to happen next.
Just as I expect, he opens the bathroom door.
"Have you seen the toothpaste?"
I laugh, "You just opened a new one last night, and I haven't seen it."
"Those girls!" he says as he heads into their bathroom to retrieve his toothpaste.
He comes back two minutes later his new tube of toothpaste in hand, shaking his head.

From toothpaste to camp tables, everything is always missing at our house. It is hardest for poor Jeff who went from bachelor in a bachelor pad, to sharing a house with three girls - two of which still live in a world where everything is community property.

It feels like Amy and Jeff vs. Lena and Sara as we sit up late at night talking about our next plan of action. At our whits end, we finally decide to start taking stuff out of their room for a week, followed by a family talk. Maybe if they can see how frustrating it is they will have more understanding for their raving parents. We'll have to wait and see, meanwhile, I think Jeff is going to enjoy taking their stuff a little too much, he's been itching for a little revenge. :)

Lena is waiting for me as I enter the front door. "Mom I need to tell you a true,"

Oh no here it comes.

"I broke the thing on the front door."

"Hmm what thing on the front door?"

She points to the hook where I hang my wreaths and stuff for holidays.

"How did you break that? Do I even want to know?"

"Mom, you said I should tell true."

"O.k. what did you do?"

" I climbed on the roof."

"YOU CLIMBED ON THE ROOF!!, how did you get on the roof?"

"I put my foot on that thing on the door and got up."

I take several deep breaths.

"Lena that isn't o.k."

"Why"

"Well you might fall and get hurt."

"Oh.. I climbed trees in the orphanage."

"No more climbing o.k."

"So I can't climb the buildings at the park either?"

"What? You climb those?"

" Yes, and the high fence behind the baseball thing too?"

"You climb the fence behind where you bat?"

Sara pipes in. "Yes she sits at top and kids at park tell her jump."

"You don't jump do you?"

"No I too scared it hurt me."

"Well thank heavens you aren't that stupid"

"Mom!"

"What?, I can't believe you have been doing that."

"Mom, but I told you true, I knew God would want me to tell you true, so don't be mad."

After many long months, I have finally decided to update my blog. I am alive. I have been submerged into the world of motherhood and am finally coming up for air.

It has been a crazy ride; up - down, up - up, down- down- down. Just when I think they can't surprise me anymore they do.

Today the surprises were good. In our Sunday interview with Lena, when we asked her what her goals were for the week, she said read the scriptures by herself every night.

Later, the girls told me they wanted to talk to me. Together??? Unusual. .. They had developed a new job chart where they work with each other on the jobs and cleaning the house. They said they wanted to decide together how to clean and gave me a schedule for how they would be cleaning from now on.

Does this mean the war is over and the sisters have called a truce? Not likely, but progress. Small things like this everyday are what give me the strength to carry on. Some sign that they are listening, that my endless efforts are not in vain.

Here are a few pictures from the last few months.

Me and Sara on her birthday. I promised to wear a matching shirt with her that day.

The girls in their homemade costumes doing one of their dance performances.

I am sure you can imagine the rest. We are constantly entertained.

Lena thought driving a car at Boondocks was "Awesome."

I never know what will completely amaze and delight them.

Joining Mary and the sixty other people that jumped into an

an ice cold pool in the middle of winter for a prize at Ogden's

Winterfest. Notice I wasn't among the crazies.

Jeff trying to outdo the girls at human bowling.

Between Jeff and the girls I am always laughing.

The day we were sealed to the girls. Sara Sara!