Dreaming of a Mother

Today when we got to the orphanage the girls showed us the cafeteria. This is Lena's friend. Although, she did tell me through the translator that her best friend is Leslie Soderberg's Julia. That surprised me a bit since Julia keeps telling Leslie she doesn't have any friends. I told Lena that she will be able to see her back home sometimes, that got a huge grin out of her. That's good huh Leslie. Our girls are friends.

We spent the rest of the day at the park and then had a little birthday party for Julia. The Strader's Julia. That is how we keep the Julia's straight.

The attorney told me that the girls are anxious for court and are excited to be ours. She said Sveta asked her to write her new name in Russian and English so she can learn to say it and write it for the judge. It is surprising to me how much they understand. They play and act blissfully happy and unaware but inside they understand and are as anxious as we are. I said America to Sveta and pointed at her and me and she jumped up and down and said da da.

I had a slightly stressful thought today. These girls have been dreaming of having a mother for so long. I thought to myself if I didn't have a mother and I spent so much time hoping and longing for one, what kind of a mother would I hope for. I suddenly realized they probably have really high expectations of me. I promised myself today to do everything in my power to be the kind of mother these girls have been dreaming of. I know I will someday be tempted to take them for granted and forget the gratitude and wonder I feel now. When I am tempted to feel that way I am going to reread my feelings and remind myself of the dreams of my little girls and the promise I am making today to be that mother to them. I know I won't be perfect but I can give them my heart and the best me I can be.

Thanks to all of you who show me what it means to be a wonderful mother. I love you all!

Our Court Date

Today we got our court date. It is for next Tuesday the 21st. After that the girls will be officially ours. We met with the judge today and she told us that they will ask us lots of questions about us being able to handle the girls. She said they are concerned because we are so young. How do you explain to them that in Utah if I was a normal girl I could have a 15 year old by now. If any of you have good answers to this question let me know. Any feedback is welcome. We have a week to prepare. I wasn't very nervous for court but after today I started to feel more anxious. The girls have to say things in court too and the attorney asked them today if they are ready. They both said they were. They seem to be familiar with the process, the kids obviously talk about it.

I am falling more and more in love with my girls everyday. It is hard to explain or express, but it is such a great feeling. It puts the world in perspective. If I saw these kids back home and had to associate with them I would probably be repulsed, they are filthy and don't have the best manners. I would think they must have horrible parents. I take them with me all over this city and people sometimes give them funny looks. It doesn't matter to me. I am just as proud of them as I can be. They are mine and I love them. I can see that they are little children needing to be loved no matter how they look on the outside. After this experience, I know I will see all children differently. It is interesting how much I have judged even small children on the outward appearance.

There is a little cross eyed boy, that Wendy and I are in love with. The others call him idiot and baby and won't play with him, he doesn't care he just laughs and is as happy as can be. Sveta (Sara) was especially not nice to him and Jeff told me he gave her a talking to. I wondered how he managed that not speaking Ukranian but it worked because after that she played with him and was much nicer. Go Dad!

The kids got all dressed up for an official picture today and we had to laugh at their efforts. Whenever the kids look like orphans, which is always, (except Alex he is looking pretty good) and we take a picture Jeff, Wendy and I always say we will use them for black mail when they are 16 year old Americans and they think they are so cool. It is hard to imagine now, but someday they will look just like the other kids. Part of me will always cherish the orphans I remember. There is something so cute and endearing about them. Strange as it sounds, I sort of wish they didn't have to change. Things are much simpler this way. I mean honestly, they wear the same clothes for 7 days straight. I'll be a little sad I think when they start being like everyone else.

This is a picture of Me and Masha at the courthouse. This was our morning.




This is a picture of Wendy and Masha getting their nails done. Maybe I'll have to try it one of these days. Wendy said her pedicure was awesome and cheap. I have actually never had a pedicure maybe I'll try it when Mary comes. I guess one good thing is I wouldn't have to worry about making small talk, which is one thing I hate about beauty salons. Maybe I should consider a mullet (spelling?) cut which is popular in Kiev. I might look more like the girls mom then. Wendy I think you should go for the bleach look. You wouldn't make a very good blonde. . . well you did almost get hit by a trolley today. The bleach look is very popular here. I guess it really isn't that different from home. Some people get how to do hair and some people just don't.


Masha continued my cooking lessons tonight. This is the food we made. I am learning how to make all sorts of interesting things. I can try them on whoever dares when I get home. Masha is leaving tomorrow and we will be without a translator. She has been great and we will miss her. She is going to read my blog when she leaves so she will have to say Hi to everyone. The girls are attached and will miss her too. She has been writing down all the Russian phrases I will need. We'll see how it goes. Jeff is great at speaking Russian. He did order two grandma's today instead of two rolls but hey who can blame him after only a week of practice. He makes good use of the few words he knows.


One last thing I wanted to remember. Lena's teacher told us that she cried for days when she came back to the orphanage. She missed us so much. It made me wonder how many nights my girls have gone to sleep crying with no one to comfort them. I sat by her on the couch after I heard that and wanted to hold her and never let her go. She must have felt the same way because she kept squeezing my hand and sat snuggled next to me for a very long time.

Amy S. I am missing sweet little London, also I got a sore throat today and those throat things you sent with me have been a blessing. I can't imagine trying to pick out medicine, groceries are hard enough.

I love you all so much! Thanks for being a part of this!

Happy Easter

It didn't feel like Easter. They don't celebrate Easter until next week. The wards here are watching conference this week so we'll have to go next time. We spent the day at the orphanage with the kids. Wendy and I made lunch and took it with us. We tried to have a little church, we sang some songs and prayed.

This is Julia, Lena & Alex watching a movie on the laptop. They laughed throughout the movie even though they did not understand a word.



I love being with the kids, it is the highlight of my days. Wendy gets to take Alex out of the orphanage on Tuesday. I am so excited for them. I can't wait for that day. To actually give the girls a bath, put them in clean clothes, and never have to send them back again.

We had to come up with names for our girls today and Wendy helped us with middle names. I'll always tell them Wendy that you thought of their middle names. Our attorney said we had to let her know in twenty minutes so we came up with names over dessert. Lena's name in Ukrainian is Helen and she was adamant that she wanted to have that as her name, we will still call her Lena which in Ukrainian is short for Helen. We tried to think of all the middle names of people in the family Melba Ellen, Carol Kay - Nothing really seemed to fit with Helen. Wendy mentioned naming her after Mary who is coming over. We thought of Helen Mary and decided it sounded a little Hail Maryish. Then Wendy came up with Marie. Jeff and I both liked it and it was close enough to Mary for me. I'll tell Lena that my awesome friend Wendy came up with and I liked it because it reminds me of sweet Mary. I think Mary and Lena have the same disposition and if my Lena grows up to be anything like Mary I will be one happy mother. Mary I know you will be a second mom to her and love her so much.

Svetlana is Sveta's real name. Jeff wanted to call her Lana. Lana and Lena hmmm... a little too much for me. We decided to give her an American name but to give her a first name with an S and a middle name with a V. This was Wendy's brilliant idea. We decided on Sarah because it sounds like Sveta and when I was a little girl my favorite book was "A Little Princess", Sarah Crew was the orphan girl in that book and she was my hero. Amy G. you are just going to have to love it o.k. Jeff and I both liked the middle name Wendy came up with - Victoria. We found out, it is Russian for victory which made me love it even more. Someday she will rise above the difficult circumstances from which she started and become a great woman. I love Victoria for that reason.

So our girls will be Helen Marie Rast and Sarah Victoria Rast. At least they will have a couple names to choose from if they decide they hate one of them. Lena wanted Helen but she wanted me to pick her middle name and Sveta didn't care at all. We told Sveta her new name was Sarah and we tried all day to call her Sarah. She suprisingly answered to it right away even though we kept messing up. What a crazy thing.

We spent about 7 hours in this room today. We brought a bunch of treats and snacks for the kids, and of course a ton of banana's, which were gone by the end of the day. This is us playing some games with the kids.


Jeff and I sitting on the couch wondering how we ended up in a Ukrainian Orphanage? The magnitude of this will probably become real once we return home.

The orphanage

Oxana, our attorney is in the process of finishing the paperwork. When she is done she will submit it to court and to the SDA. Jeff and I are just waiting. Today was Saturday, the kids did not have school so we were able to spend more time with them.

We spent longer at the orphanage than we have yet. We played outside with the kids for a little while but I could not take it for very long. I find my emotions are very close to the surface here. I can't describe to you how sad it is. Whenever we come the kids swarm around me. They all hold out their hands to touch me and they all tell me their names and want me to talk to them. If I hug one or touch one they all want the same. It is the most heart wrenching experience ever. I am only taking two and there are so many left behind. They are all filthy including our girls but I can't help hugging and kissing them. They want love so much.


The girls are very protective of us and have a hard time when we give the other kids attention. Jeff and I feel bad for the other kids it is difficult to only focus on ours. I finally told Jeff and Wendy that I couldn't take anymore. We took our kids and a few of the others that came on the Utah trip and we walked down to the store. We bought the kids snacks and then we took them to the park. We had to pay to get on the playground.




We then took them to Monsters vs. Aliens in Russian. Now I know how they felt when I took them to an English movie at home.

Sveta has always called me mama, but today for the first time Lena called me mama instead of Amy. It makes my heart feel all funny inside. What a feeling!

The girls didn't want us to leave them at the orphanage tonight. This is going to be a hard month, leaving them there, dirty and alone - even if it is only for a night.


They anxiously wait for us each day and come running when the other children tell them their mama and papa are here.



Jeff took a video of our interpreter Masha tonight. She is lots of fun. She is teaching me how to cook Ukranian food so that I will be able to make some familiar foods for the girls when I bring them home. She lives with us, but will be leaving on Monday after the legal part of this is done. I find I am speaking English like her now. She really makes us laugh.



Also Jeff took pictures of the fish snacks the kids eat. They are so disgusting. The smell, the taste and the kids breathe when they are done eating them.

The Last Few Days

First for Jen. I saw Masha yesterday I told her I would bring her letters today but when I went back she was not there. They told me she and Nastia are in the Sanitarium (her word). Nastia has been there since I got here. The translator didn't seem to think it was a big deal. She said it is to help their health and get a rest. Whatever that means. I will try to give it to them when I see them next. My girls know we have a letter for them so they will help us find them. Masha has been really sweet and always gives me a big Hello as she walks by with her friends.

For Ann, we saw Katya today. We gave her the package and told her that you loved her and missed her. We asked her if she wanted to tell you something and she said she did. She said, "Tell them I love them and miss them very much."



Leslie - Julia was so cute today after you talked to her on the phone. She followed us around and kept talking to me and giving me hugs and high fives. She was so happy. She asked what time in America and she laughed with her friends when we told her. She is very excited you are coming for her. It is funny she wants skirts. Sounds like you'll have to do some shopping. It was good to talk to you on the phone. She shared her treats and toys from the circus with all the other kids. She is a sweetheart.

Yesterday we visited Sveta's brother in the orpanage. He told us he does not want to come to America and be adopted. He doesn't remember Sveta because they haven't seen each other since Sveta was three. We told him we loved Sveta and wanted her to be in our family. He said he was o.k. with her being adopted. We asked him if he wanted to see Sveta and he said he did, so when the whole process is over we are going to take her to his orphanage so they can meet. He is her half brother. This is a good thing for us as far as adopting Sveta. We were really happy that he was willing to write a letter saying he is o.k. with us adoptintg her. It increases our chances quite a bit. We will have to wait and see what the SDA and the court decide. We got his address and told him we would keep in touch and that he can come visit her in the U.S. if he ever decides.

Today we spent the day with the girls. We walked around the city and then we went to the circus. Yes the circus. It was very interesting and it was actually in a tent in the park, just as I imagine from some old movie. For those of you who follow Wendy's blog I told her she was in charge of blogging about the circus. I told her I would have to cut and paste hers in to mine for my friends and family. She has the best sense of humor. Amy G you could make a million good jokes out of the circus. Too bad you weren't there. I would have loved to have seen your reaction. Our translator Masha in the red scarf and our friend Wendy talking to her. Also a few kids from the orphanage.

Wendy has been great to us. She is so cute with her son and she has been a life saver. I told her today she was beautiful. It is funny how her bright countenance stands out here in the Ukraine. We are the lucky ones to be here with her, sorry to the rest of you who are coming later.


The girls are so affectionate, they love to give us hugs non stop and cuddle with us.
Can I just say I am so happy. My heart is full. I am filled with gratitude. How blessed I feel to have these girls in my life.

My Girls!

We sat in a room waiting and Jeff kept asking me if I was nervous.  I was, I wasn't sure how the girls were going to react.  The director told us the girls were waiting outside the door shaking with aniticipation.   We were all waiting for the social workers to be present for us to see each other.  Finally, the social worker arrived, they opened the door and Lena came in first.   Her face lit up and she smiled a smile of pure joy.  She ran and threw her arms around me.   In that moment all doubt was erased from my heart and I knew she wanted this as much as we did.   She then ran to Jeff and gave him a huge hug too.   Sveta also gave us both hugs, she was a little shy as she doesn't know us very well but you could see on her face that she was excited and happy.   We were in a room with their teachers, the social worker, the attorney and the orphanage director.  The girls were intimidated to say the least but they kept looking at us and smiling.  It was so cute.  They had to write a letter saying they wanted to be adopted by us.  The teachers took a minute and told us about the girls and let us ask any questions.   Lena's teacher said that after returning from the U.S. she told every one about us and has been waiting anxiously to return to our home.   Sveta's teachers cried and said she is going to miss her.  It was nice to know that she is loved here.  

After our meeting we were able to spend time with the girls.  They would not let us out of their sight.  They took us and showed us to all their friends and they held our hands and hugged us non stop.  We walked to the store the four of us hand in hand.  Lena kept looking up at me and smiling.  She told me several times in Russian that she loved me.   Sveta loved Jeff and grabbed his hand and mine every time we walked anywhere.  They kept saying their name with our last name and laughing they were so happy.  Lena Rast and Sveta Rast and then they would look at me to make sure they were saying it right.  They feel like mine, it is a feeling I have never felt before.  We are still not sure what will happen with Sveta, bit I can't bare the thought of leaving her behind.  Keep us in your prayers.   

The girls were sweet and full of love.  The time went by so fast.  We had to leave too soon and I miss them all ready.  

Tomorrow we have to go to the orphanage that Sveta's brother is in which is two hours away, so we may not be able to see the girls.  They will be disappointed, they kept asking us what time we would be coming back tomorrow.  Something happened to my heart today and I am sure it will never be the same.  Is this how it feels to be a mother? 

Going to See the Girls

We found out we are going to see the girls. I am so excited. I will finally get to see them tomorrow.

We had a great day to day. We had a fun translator with us. She and I got along really well. We had our two appointments, finished all the paperwork and then went sightseeing the rest of the day. I am getting more used to this strange place so today I just enjoyed. I tried all sorts of weird food, talked to our translator all about the Ukraine and learned so much. It is crazy how blessed we are at home. Our translator would love to come to the U.S. as would many others, but they can't get a visa. I take so much for granted.

Our translator is 27 and she said her parents are giving her a hard time about waiting so long to get married. She said she thinks the women are treated badly here and she doesn't want to get married so her husband can sit on the couch and drink beer while she does all the work. Jeff and I got a kick out of that.

We visited some old Cathedrals. The people here are very religious. I had to keep Jeff in line because he kept threatening to cross himself at every entrance and kiss the pictures like they were doing.
Here is our awesome translator. We just loved her. We tried to persuade her to come visit us in America. Well I'm off to catch the night train. Ill let you know how it goes.