I can't sleep and couldn't figure out why until I was emailing my friend Carlin. I realized I am so nervous for this week. We are leaving tomorrow to get the kids out of the orphanage.
One more day and I will officially be the mother of two more. I am nervous about how they will act and about how difficult they will be. Lena and Sara were pretty rough at first, so I know it won't be easy.
Mostly, I am worrying about being the mother they need. Alina with a life full of heartache and disappointment. She is so sad to leave. Will I be sensitive enough to her feelings? Will I be patient and kind enough? Will I be gentle enough? Will I know the right things to do to help her?
And my sick little boy. Can I keep him well and make him feel safe? Can I handle all the stresses and changes with patience and love? Can I be what he needs me to be?
I am tired and worn out and not at the top of my mom game right now. The kids are all going to need me to be the best mom possible as we go through this change together as a family. It feels daunting tonight.
I guess Heavenly Father will have to make me more than I am.
I know those feelings all too well. But I also so know that He will do just that. :)
ReplyDelete...and He will. He always does. Remember that while it won't be easy, you are also going into this knowing a whole lot more than you did when you adopted Lena and Sara. That will make a BIG difference. You know better what to expect, what the warning signs of problems are, and where to find help if you need it.
ReplyDeleteIf you do as well as you have done with the other 2, you'll be the best mom those kids can ever have. The advantage is you know already know what the first few months hold for you, so plan some 'you time', vacation time in there somewhere, and lots of dates with Jeff during the next several months. You'll need some breathing room, and lots of your favorite treats. :)
ReplyDeleteI just want to say AMEN to all that has already been said. You are a very, very, special woman, Amy, and between you, Heavenly Father, Jeff, the girls, friends, and family you will do AWESOME!!! You'll look back, in a few years, and be so glad that you are a mother of 6! You now have more children that any of your siblings!! Who would have thought? Love ya, Mom
ReplyDeleteYou sound like a mom to me. I think every mother feels inadequate at times, especially when you're adding a new child (or in your case children) to the family. It's scary and exciting all at the same time. No mother is perfect, but you are definately good enough. Heavenly Father chose YOU for the job. You've done an amazing job with your other children. The difference in them is day and night! They are yours for a reason. All of them. And yes, you will be gentle enough, sensitive enough, kind enough, loving enough. All of those things describe the Amy I know. I can't think of anyone better for those children than you. Remember, you don't have to be perfect. When you do make mistakes it's ok. We ALL do. I know you'll correct them as quick as you make them. You are a wonderful mother and those kids are so lucky to have you and Jeff as parents! Love you! Shelby
ReplyDeleteYou are about to enter the Brady Bunch Zone. I can not think of anyone on Earth better equipped to handle the road ahead than my dear friend Amy. Not because you are rested and in perfect health and have every move planned out, but because you have tremendous faith and fortitude and are willing to let Him help you at every step. You are going to be amazing, as usual.
ReplyDeleteYou won't be alone because you have so many people who love and admire you and we will be there to help. It won't be a breeze the next few weeks but when you need it, you will feel a little breeze from Heaven to remind you that you are doing an amazing thing because you are.
Sometimes I look at your new children and I think "What was wrong with us. We went to Ukraine ready to adopt those same children and it didn't work." The answer I got was that it isn't about what is wrong with us, but instead it is about what is right with YOU. You are exactly the Mom that each one of your 6 children need and YOU will have everything you need, when you need it.
I hope I get to be there when each one of your children pays tribute to you and the tremendous blessing that you are and will be in their life. It will be longer than the filming of the Academy awards.
Have a great few days. We can't wait to see you at the airport. When does your flight arrive?
Oh Amy. You are going to be amazing. Simply amazing.
ReplyDeleteIt is my belief that a very long time ago, we looked these children in the eyes and promised we would find them. That we were families before this life. And look at you? You have done it!
Yep, they'll sniff you, hug too much, cry, pout and give the stink eye like no other, cry, mutter in Russian under their breath, cry, refuse to eat, refuse to bath, wear the same underwear for a week, cry, and they might even paint the tomatoes red! But you know all this. You've experienced all this - and like all 2nd rounds - you know what to expect. You will ROCK!!
And like Cristy said, we're here for you. And we're not here to watch you fail, we're here to lift you up and when we can't then we'll kidnap you for lunch or a sleepover and we'll laugh & eat & laugh some more until we charge you batteries.
And in time, it will feel like you've always had them. That you cannot imagine life without them. That even though they weren't always yours, they were always meant to be yours.
Downhill. You're on the downhill side. Try to look for the good, eat the chocolate, laugh at the fashion, and jump through those last hoops! We're cheering for you over on this side of the world.
Godspeed!
~Wendy
Too bad our sleepless nights aren't in the same time zone! We could humor each other with our worries or something. You will do great, and I know that you will always be what your children need you to be. I'm sure once you get home things will just start falling into place over time. You are a great mom!
ReplyDelete..and He will. :) -Deb
ReplyDelete